Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What Have I Done Lately?

Lately, there had been a lot of things going on in my life. This is not something positive that I usually write in this blog. Here goes..

First, I have a small problem with digestion. I cannot eat meat and have to eat less chicken and other stuff because my body cannot digest as good as those previous years. Sometimes I just throw up whatever I ate, it’s not something natural. To the extend detail, I can feel rice, or roti canai, or salad right on top of my stomach. Yes its true. I went to the doctor a couple of times and he told me I have gastric. But it seems to be more from what I know.

Second, I’m exhausted, I can’t feel the energy the way I use to bring in my life and my surrounding. One of the reason is that (I realized) I’ve been commuting from Taman Bidara, Selayang to Cyberjaya to work. And every time I got back, I felt drained out. I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. I constantly starve. This is due to no more meat in my body; I only ate veggies, and noodle-based food like kueh teow, curry noodle and others that I can eat. Sometimes I took the risk to have nasi lemak and roti canai because I miss those foods. So, when I got home, I tried to sleep and I can’t because I have to cook or heat the food from the fridge or some hot cup noodle. Even if I sleep, my body clock will automatically shut down somewhere around 3 a.m.

Third, I have insomnia. Last two days, I haven’t sleep. I just can’t. I’m hair wired. My face look all choked up. I think too much. The news about global warming bothers me. The racism in this country bothers me. A lot of things bother me. It’s seems hard to let go of what I had in my mind.

Forth, my mum. She can’t do things like she can do, and my dad also been busy looking for more business opportunity, as he just retired from the army as a retired Colonel. Both of them in some occasion travel overseas for education trip and courses. Both of them are 'not stable' (if you know what I mean). And almost every time they gone, we have to look after the kids. I got two rascals who are addicted to Animax at Astro TV. And my brother, Hafiz is an eating machine. He loves to eat very much and always play with his pencils and imagine space ships and Naruto fighting scenes. As a brother, I have to teach them how to behave how to speak proper, surf the net and ask to read online newspapers, watch National Geographic and stuff. Usually, we have a maid to take care of things, but due to a lot of con workers agency given us so much trouble sending the wrong maid each and every time, my parents have to put the maid application on hold. I have to hang clothes, wash the dishes before I go to work. I have to make sure my little sister eat her breakfast. I’m dreadfully tired.

Visual: A booklet layout design for MDeC

Fifth is my creative gesture. I seem to lack of it, not entirely but almost. I don’t draw like I used to. I haven’t been drawing after my website launch. No new artwork. What I manage to do is to came up with a face-lift of DMP logo, and as usual, the office work.

In fact, I don’t even have the time to touch my sketchbook. I use to remember, each day or week, there’s always something new from me. Having said that, it does not jeopardize my office work. I still manage to deliver and did a good work. But in some part of my “other” work, there are some ‘kueh teow’ work that I suppose to do for Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka was not really fluid because I’ve been through a lot of obstacle and unexpected demands from them. I'm also doing a lot of Research & Development to learn and get on this AJAX thingy which was introduce by my collegue, Fauzi (Madfozi) last year. Even Kris Khaira made me to think hard about what exactly Web 2.0 meant for designers. AJAX or Web 2.0, both had existed a decade ago, only they changed the 're-brand' and was 're-invent' back by the marketing people. My solution is that I should start drawing tonight. I hope I can able to do that. I also hope to find my article and my work that had been featured in Computer Arts Magazine (UK) which had been rapidly informed by industrial friends. I just hope I can find which issue.

Sixth, my pass relationship has once again haunted me. Recently, my ex lover (whom I contact for almost 2 years on & off) send some 'word' to get back here in Malaysia and to settle down with me.. but like I said, I lost my affection due to a lot of things happen around me and I decide to focus more important things in life, and I would felt like I will be used again. To be fall in a fantasy is something I can't imagine. I know that deep somewhere left in my hearth there's love for A, but it's not as easy it can show or tell. As much as happy I am to be able to have a wonderful relationship again with A, I know that I’m only taking a big risk to be hurt more deep, and I know it’s not going to last long. There are some terms I have to accept, and it bother me. It's a big risk, because if I take the wrong step, in some ways, not only I get hurt, I know that it will drag people who I close with and my family along. I know this is not a game, though all I can see is a throw of dice, and would never exactly know the numbers, only HOPE. Just hope that a suitable number, to guide a suitable path. Regardless both of us, would be getting along together very well, but it's not just that. There's plenty of issues need to be taken care of and you, A, must know it's not as easy to see things beyond your expectations, or manipulation. How can we ever go in like this? Isn't this too much to carry such burden?

It’s about time I seek help from you guys, in a really constructive and positive way. I can’t cope and try to be positive when all the things around me start bothering me. I’m just so tired. Really dreadfully tired. It's even worst that I picked a self-help book and trying to adapt the idea of the author. Beat stress? Learn to relax? I wonder...

Here's something to cheer for

I love Drew Barrymore in her appearance in last year's Saturday Night Live.

when u love someone, why is it hard to let go or forget about it? some memories huh...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Keep Your Head Up To The Sky

Don't touch the sky Muid!, but rather enjoy the beauty of God's creation by just looking at it! Look at the clouds, how it forms beautifully, and how it helps and shades us from the sun. God have given me to think, once again about all the things that I've been through for all my life. I would have to say the word 'thankful' and joyful for the good things and the bad things I had done, to make me human, (yes, born to make mistakes) and move forward to heal, fix, and make it better, for a positive life. Recent to my web launch, when I talk to my sister Aniqah, she told me when I do my profile, always mention that I never create, but develop based on God's creation. It opened up my mind, in a different perspective, to once again understand why I am here. I am here not because to attract attention of my name, but it's about what I stand for within the creative expression. I would feel that my existence is a part of my journey towards understand more about my life and beyond, by creating in form of visuals.

Posing 'Arnab' masa dinner dengan birthday boy, Perez kat KFC.

To share with you, in the past few month, I had been transform to more better person, although I'm getting old, I understand about appreciating life. Having said that, doesn't mean I don't know what is hate and how to hate, doesn't mean I just put a smile on my face. Hey, I cry too, I can be mellow too. But, I had been fighting so much, for my passion, regardless to work or my personal life, the more I dig, the more I understand that I am not alone in this world. I am able to understand that not only our dearest Allah (s.w.t), but everyone around me actually do care, and love me.

I would like to share my an experience about a project (that cost more than a million Ringgit) under my wings, for the first time as a Project Manager, had lead me and the company that I worked with to came up with such great result and success, including appreciation by the Malaysian Minister of Science, Technology & Innovation. Most of us work so hard with passion and determination on this national project, sacrificing not only our time and energy, but the fact that this project had drifted us away from our families and loved ones. But you know what? It's worth of everything! Before this, there was a time where I used to think I was just too transparent to them. As if I wasn't acknowledge at all. I thought no one bother about me. I was upset too. I even start complaining and whining. But something special happened. HasnulG, (my S.E.I.C Exhibition Project Owner) had thought me very important message. He said to me, "Keep Your Head Up". Then I start to realize and become sensible. He gave me a great motivation. I had learned more not just to deal with it, but to manage it. Thanks to the great leadership and guidances from passionate people like Niran Noor, Hasnul Hadi Samsuddin, and Zain. The people that I had mention not only help to show me the light, but also guide me so that I will not fall or be too vulnerable. I remember way back when this project started, we went for a cup of coffee Mr. Azizul (of SpencerAzizul). He had introduce me a very great way on putting the whole show (project) into a mind map, and show how it suppose to flow. It was cool, seriously. But on top of that, why I write this post is not to bla bla bla, but to share how I felt that special nite, a moment of honored put together by MDeC, especially Niran Noor, Hasnul G and Dato' Seri Jamaludin Jarjis, who gave me a special commendation about the project that I had poured my heart and soul so much, on our recent MDeC anual dinner (3/3). It's the first time to come up stage, with full support from all of them. '...reliable', that's what Dato' JJ said. Alhamudullilah.

HasnulG, thanks for Keroro Figurin sets! Those are the first and perfect gift for my birthday! I love you bebeh! Actually, to tell you the truth (macam confession pulak), I almost teared when I read the post-it note attached with the present. You can't get that kind of boss who appreciate you that much. I was really touched. In fact, all the people who came to my party, especially Izuddin Hani for allowing his place for me, Halim & Juan for organizing, and my special guest, Teong Hin (Director of Puteri Gunung Ledang), it was something special, truly special.

Sharing ideas The Creative Way, by Steven Patrick

"CC also allows creative people such as artists, designers, photographers and writers to share and contribute," said graphic designer Muid Latif".

Creative Commons (CC) Malaysia had recently launch their second CC Competition, and I would like to invite Malaysians to participate in such prestigious event. Last year, three winners had been rewarded RM10,000 each. Find out the latest article about Creative Commons movement in Malaysia features Pete Teo, Jeff Oii, Muid Latif, Iman (Popiapounder) & Sudev. Thanks Steven!

Think! Why Blogging?

I would like to borrow a quote from Nizam Zakaria, one of respectful Malaysian blogger when he did an interview with Jeff Oii, 'It can be rather idiosyncratic at times, but isn't that what blogging is all about?'. It make sense. Sometimes you can't be too 'fiction' when it comes to blogging. There are at times we need to get loose. People want to read the real you through blogging. Although sometimes honesty can be a threat to bloggers, but as far as we concern, we have the right, because we know it's a freedom speech. You voice it out with your mind and heart, because you own your blog. I don't chase people away for what I wrote, because I believe in P.O.V, that sometimes help people to think, and create a solution based on a person's concern or problem.

According to I.A. Japan website, Bloggers will increase its readership and it's popularity more, along myspace.com. Bloggers is the next big thing, and we are not just talking about an ordinary individuals that blog, but we are also talking about celebrities who blogs, film directors who blogs, musicians who blogs, even politicians who blog.

Note: To those who think this rumor is nothing important, please ignore this post.

there has been an inaccurate rumor spreading (in e-mails and Yahoo! messenger) about the our local Malaysian VV.I.P who claims negative thoughts about Malaysian Bloggers (mostly women) as jobless and liars. It's funny how I tried search any news relating to this issue on newspaper (TheStar, Utusan, NST), an none of them appears. Guys, please don't spread rumors if it's not true lah. Buang masa.

Anyway, I feel it's important to know whether the fact is true or not, we need to study and do some research of where it came from, where it speculate from. From my observation, it's just another conspiracy to put a person down or to create racial buzz, but in general, we must not judge so quickly about things around us. Some of us out there blog for the good cause, good intention (promote good entertainments, local culture & places(tourism), foods, inventions, ideas and creativity) and some might not for good cause (yes, there are blogs about pimps 'bohjan/cybersl*ts', drugs tutorials, transvestites pictures, and others). But if it's true that bloggers are accuse for negative influence, I feel that someone out there NEED to consider what he or she think in general about bloggers and do a lot of homework before we accuse someone (do some analyst and show us the result on why that he or she created such statement about bloggers). I mean, 2-3 days ago, I just visited Dato' Marina Mahathir's blog. Not all bloggers are cyberbuggers lah. We have lines of great people who blog and worth reading. No pun intended.

Question: Yang mengada-ada pegi baca blog-blog yg tak bagi manfaat buat apa?

New! Consumer Awareness

Being a designer or an artist doesn't mean I have to talk about creative related subject all the time, but also, as a part of a normal citizen, I believe it's time I also share my review and experience on my daily use of products, especially health, food or anything good for those who would like to try.

Study Case One: For Your Oral Care

Last month, I plan to make a dental appointment at one of the local dentist in Klang Valley and he stated the price for Scaling, which cost about RM300 plus. I ask some of my friends and they told me it costs more. Wait, why the heck I talk about oral care? One of the reason for me to get my teeth to scale is because of the stain on my lower teeth. They are massive buggers and totally need to be clean (Guys, tooth care is very important. It will be a turn off for ladies if you don't take care of your teeth, believe me). So, one day, I went to an old mall near my place, and went to Guardian Parmacy. I say this quite interesting, because this discover lead me in such great result; I got a 'free ninety nine' cleaning action 'set' for my teeth. Rather to 'waste' (cough) on proffeshionaal dentist that costs my weekly food expense, I manage to cut the cost by purchasing these:

a) Oral B CrossAction Power Battery Toothbrush (RM49.90)
b) Colgate Whitening Action Toothpaste (RM9)
c) Oral B mouthwash (RM14)

Total amount? RM 72.90. And within 14 days to be exact (Gosh, it's for real actually), there are no more stain on my lower front teeth. In fact, I notice my teeth got brighter 10% and felt clean than it use to. It's really cool to D.I.Y everything yourself, without wasting more money and time with the dentist (I also face very rude experience with some local dentist back in Sg. Besi Military / RSAT Medical). Not to say that I don't support them, but I think there's always better solution. (",) Tips? Don't smoke, don't drink Coke and coffee, because they are the cause of the stain on your teeth.

Gosh, I just realized I'm doing the PowerRoot Tongkat Ali sign!

Perez! Happy Birthday (14 March 2007) buat kamu. Welcome to my age. Dapat jugak jumpa dengan hang kat Low Yatt today, what a coincidence! Thanks for the ride to KLSentral. Here's a toast to our ever-loving friendship (I just throw up a bit in my mouth... tak pe kan?)