Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A Halt for Workaholic Life of ...

There's a two month frame for me. I'm leaving a remarkable job that earn me not an award that I can proud off, BUT acknowledgment of my capacity as a creative person who had contributed in many fields to enrich and 'empowered' people on how they see and experience new media especially in the Government sector/industry. I'm leaving a job that made me earn more than RM84, 000k per year. Some might say I'm insane, some are excited to see me back in the scene, but what's in it for me? I have been working non stop ever since I work on WCIT & IAP. In fact, there had been to much of paperworks for me, spent to much time reading and replying emails and spent hours of meetings. I'd longed for a break. That's all I can say. I left my creative work too long and I need to re-charge so I can continuously become creative and inspire to others.

I'm quite happy. It actually took me three (3) months before I made up my mind. I felt that now I need to fully utilize before I start back working as a freelancer and move on to a solid place that can offer me permanent position even how low it can be. I believe it won’t bother me as long as if fits the bill ;-). There are always times your ‘saham’ can fall or raise, of course I don’t want to choose a workplace that is far away from me, ever again! Since the hike of petrol is insane, besides spending up to RM1,200 per month on travel expense, I could not imagine seeing my life in ‘danger’ of driving back and forth from Selayang to Cyberjaya, not forgetting no company insurance covered and no travel allowance, no EPF, disapprove house bank loans and definitely no bonus :-).

Last Friday, dated 20th June was my official day that I discuss with my H.O.D for Branding & Communication and I will be leaving that nice sanctuary by end of July to pursue my creative journey once again. I bumped into my PM, Kamal from Saladin in the H.Q foyer and he said something really made me so 'f**ked-up'. He invited me for a farewell on my last day, can you believe that? I actually felt to that very moment like crying (damn!), but I told him no to do farewell to me. I just thought and always felt Saladin team was a family to me, except for that 'Mr. Yo! Bro, collabro' (buat dunno je bila berselisih). I'm gonna miss everyone so much especially my ex-collegue's from CMD and Saladin (Especially my greatest boss I had worked with, Hasnul Hadi) You can never ever find a boss who is so creative and give you Keroro figure set for your birthday :-). I'm actually going to miss the fish pond in MDeC because every month, I feed the fish with biscuts and bread I bought for them.

Now, I really have to put this in my blog because after my discussion with my buddy, Roul, he just said something deep and so fresh because I felt a bit down and vulnerable for a while after discovered someone leaving me a bad impression.

'qualifications doesn't justifies.. and not an authorization for you to undermine people's achievement..' and 'regretting your decisions is an act of denying your intelligence...'

Thanks Roul. Normally I gave you advices in your career and life, but today, you help me out. :)

That Enlighten Moment

Disclaimer: this post is not to show people that I'm a religious person, but this post is to tell you that wherever you are, whatever you do, God loves you. God never left you behind, it is you who left God behind. At times (and all the time), you need to pray and remember God, and for that you know the purpose of your life and what you would like to achieve.

Recently, my mind got so hair wired. Along with my huge friends and family, I felt the necessary to felt sorrow. I was mad, sad, angry, and unable to forgive myself for what I've done. I called my heart for few prayers and doa. It's been awhile I never touched my tasbih. It was always the huya-huya party, and I left my purity behind. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Kuasa. I felt that special night made me calmed. I always know that prayers made me neutralized again, back to my senses, and I felt more relaxed. Azam saya nak start balik baca Muqaddam (actually dah start mengaji) and al-Quran and insya'Allah I try my best to fulfill my azam during my breaks. I always have this thoughts but my will wasn't that strong. Now I break it and felt in a new level. I know by doing this, I benefit a lot of things that can make me become more 'stable' and humble.

I actually felt shukor (thankful) because I can still manage to balance my life well. There are few said that I'm just being 'kiasu' but that's not the case. I believe in my confidence and sometimes it is necessary you mention what are the good doings that you did (bukan sekadar nak tutup dosa or to cover up your sins) BUT to let others know what you do, so that in some way it will inspire others. There are others out there who like to assume things about you, even accuse for false information on you just to bring your self-esteem down. You do good things in your life, Insya'Allah, rezeki akan Tuhan berikan. Buat masa ni Alhamdulillah, sebab Muid tak pernah aniayai orang atau tutup periuk nasi orang. I know few who did talk bad things about me have a very miserable life. They can never find their peace. Either they are doing not very well in their life or in their career. Whatever the case, I felt sorry for them. God is great so I promise myself not to be like them :-) and keep on doing the right and good things in life.

p/s: Did I tell you guys my ustad is very garang. Got rotan summore.. if I salah pronounce my word, dia ketuk meja. Sure kena rotan if I'm a kid :P. which also reminds me to finish of reading 'I Am Muslim' by our dear Dina Zaman.

Hey Moe, long time no click!

Here are my latest HDR's processing. Those photo walk with me fellow photographers really kicking back my Adobe™ Photoshop skills once again. Kudos to Shaf, Abby, Ripi, Prakash, Vic, Nagen, Syiqin, Rafiq, Suzie and Nell for being my photo buddies.

The Distraction & Attraction

Neu designs werks?

Managed to produce few artwork last month and this month. It feels good to do artwork. I'm currently studying the history of Hang Li Po and studying another sea life 'Nautilus'.

Urbanscapes 2008

As Digital Malaya Project reborn in a new website (finally!), we manage to kick off with a new exhibition with KLue, for Urbanscapes 2008. The show was a huge success attended by 6,000 Malaysians and tourists.

Photos by Mizie @ Flickr.

Me, best friend back in UiTM, Nadiah, and sister Abby. Photos by Eka.

I also had a nice chat with my old friends, including the one I keep in touch regularly, Nadiah! (Nad, considered regular la kan? :P). Eka & Nad, thanks to both of you guys for coming that day :). Yes, I owe you delicious pasta... Picolomondo?

My dearest Atilia (Malaysia Jazz Princes), Prakash (Orange), me & Damien (Urbanscapes Artist). Photos by Halimi Saidi.

We would like to thank the Urbanscapes team, everyone who came to our gallery including Atilia. Although she just finish her performance that night, she still came and drop by our place. Thanks Tia, te quiero mucho! and of course, our official printer partner, EcazStudios for printing our photos for the exhibition. Tai & Halimi, you guys rawk!

Will There Ever Be A Better Place?

As a citizen of Malaysia, here's what I think of what is going on today, the reality of Malaysia. When some politicians want to hold on to power, they do actions that affect us all. Few days ago, I read a headline in the newspapers that says; 'PM ensures safety for Rakyat'. I beg to differ.

A lot of things is going on, I mean a lot. Serious crime is rising up. More illegal works come to Malaysia, some threatened and snatch those who took public transportation, in this case both me and my sister had confronted these sick bastard.

I came across road bullies who desperately seek for fights among other race. Women drivers are getting more furious and rude on the road. Toleration has gone almost 0%. I get 'racial look' each week from different car drivers and in public places. It's that obvious. When I was involved in Malaysian Artistes for Unity, what I'm currently experiencing is the other way around. I try to create unity and love among with others. Some said don't give them faces, but that's never a good solution. Most of the time I tolerate to people around me. Even when people are lining up, I give them way. Is that nobility or stupidity? :)

A friend of mine just got snatched on an escalator IN Pavillion mall, Kuala Lumpur. She lost her money and her parking ticket. It's even sad that the security and management didn't want to take responsible furthermore ask my friend to pay for the ticket for replacement due to f*cking policy.

Another friend of mine from Penang told me a lady was filling her petrol in a petrol station and during filling up the tank, when someone (thief) got in her car and hide inside. It was the petrol attendant who saw it and asks the lady to get in the counter so she will be safe. Tips: Always lock your car at the petrol station.

If you remember few weeks back, the rude 'mat rempit' (motorcyclist) attacked four ladies in a petrol station in Bangsar and some of them got injured.

People are kidnapping children to sell kids outside the country. Drug addicts sell their new born baby for few Ringgits to get new crack. Life is that cheap.

More rape cases increase each day.

Some teachers (especially in Bukit Idaman High School) is insulting and discriminating their students. I met rude prejudice teachers and they are injecting politics to their students education because they have no other scapegoats or other place to satisfy their anger towards their career and their life. Even among teachers, a lot a playing dirty just to gain more power and positions. Well, from my experience, not only teachers, but lecturers are spoiling their students, and of course, the men vs. women students where student with a the big 'V' gets more A+ from lecturers than the hardworking boys like us.

Sanctuary is no longer a sanctuary. Surau and mosque become a 'hot' place for larcenist to steal audio system (mic, speakers, cables, etc). This is a place where we thought AMIN was said out loud when we perform our prayers but soon after solat, no body cares to shake hands and greet Salam to each other. It's very frustrating.

Rakyat fear by the police? Yes, SOME of them are the certified mobs. I know there are some who are nice but most of them are pure samseng. I remember that I saw group of traffic police man sit in a mamak warung with a very hostile attitude, ask for this and that from the servant. What a poor guy. Surprisingly that man in uniform didn't even pay for what they eat and drink. They just took off. By far, I met 3 cops who's asking for bribe. My mom who also works with Bukit Aman (Police) told me to be extra careful with them. If someone from police department advise you to be extra careful with police man, which means we are seeing more corruption among them.

Last but not least, 'get rid of the consultants! they are wasting our company's money'. As I witness and heard over a meeting last friday, 4th of July in a company here in Cyberjaya. This is how people 'kill' of people who want to make a life for their living. Such a cruel villain mindset of today's Malays. Congratulations! wow.. I'm actually impressed with so called 'modern' and open-minded people. :-)

I encourage and advice people to be smart, level-headed, don't be mad all the time, try to be patience, be nice to people, appreciate things around you, do some charity, do some donation (jangan kemut duit, if you can pay for a RM300 dress, why can't put more than a dollar in a tabung surau :).

Outro: Back At One

Tonight (8th of July), I was fooling around in front of the mirror and in my room, slowly twisting my lap and waist with Suzanne Vega's Caramel. That song really get me all mysteriously groove. Such a beautiful greatly written song (love how they use it for CLOSER trailer). It's about how you longed for that person, but you can't get that person, so you have to let it go. Let... it.. go... yeah, i know so.


It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long for you.

It won't do
to stir a deep desire,
to fan a hidden fire
that can never burn true.

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
how I would live with myself,
what I'd forgive of myself
if you don't go.

So goodbye,
sweet appetite,
no single bite
could satisfy...

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
what I would give of myself,
how I would live with myself
if you don't go.

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long
for you.


4 opinions :

Roul the breath taker! said...


sometimes it takes you only few seconds to make people loves you and even bad, to hate you...

but how often do you find the right moment where it'll inspires you? I'll say.. anytime... you have to let go everything... be a not-belong person... and you'll see the real good side of you...

remember when you feel not belong, it teaches you how humble the life should be and i guess you'll cope the life easily..

i have my trust in you...

ikhwan nazri said...

lepas ni tak dpt jumpa bro kat masjid mmu lagi nampaknya. bulan lepas ade sekali terserempak kat starbuck tingkat atas KLCC, tapi rushing so tengok dari jauh je.

pasni kalo jumpe memana, akan praktiskan ayat tu, "yo bro, collabro"

All the best for your future undertakings :D

kamal sabran said...

bawa aku round singapore sekali lagi la!

zamdee said...

hah bro, cayalah..
kita generate duit, bukan duit generate kita, huhu..