Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Engagement of Mutuality Through Toleration

Drama, don't we all love drama in relationship? Everyone loves to show affection to one another during the short month relationship.

Then we start to show our true colors. There's arguments, question trust & doubts, why there's lack of attention, how it takes two to tango and etcetera. Because of these short-temper tantrum, we forget about being grateful and appreciate for the past things that both did to make relationship works. We expect things to much that we disvalue our ethics and our principe to believe in love without expectation, thus, everything falls apart and we start pointing fingers without blaming ourselves first.

I see all around me and most of them inspired me through their commitment. I myself cannot commit to such responsibility because I have a curse for it. The things I've done in the past, I have to admit it's been horrifying and each time I look back and evaluate, i felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being to obnoxious and paranoid, hence I am the one who actually broke my trust; to trust myself and let it flow the way it is, mainly because I am desperate to disallow myself to be confined with solitary. But I learn that I should scrap my habit of impressing a person to much about my ability and capability, because at the end of the day, when a person really like you, they will like you entirely for who you are, without you having to go and make yourself appeal and constantly crave for attention that you are a worthy person. Sometimes you are making yourself transparent and let others felt uncomfortable by your personality. It make you look dumb (yes I was talking about me too you know, haha).

But I like to change. I like to experiment myself, not in Lindsay Lohan way! If a person that i'm involved with can't change, I have to change. I have to find ways so that others will be inspired.

If not things wont work out, eventually it will end up in a horrible breakup. We don't want that do we? We don't want to be hated. We want to be loved and admired before and after. I learn that when we impressed a person that we like or when we started a relationship, it should be beautiful at the end.

But like I said, since most of us love drama, we love to brag or tell people that we've gone through hell. It's embarrassing the first thing when we fell in love, 'we cross ocean for you' and when we broke up 'let the shark consume your evil heart'. (I'm reminding myself as I've been through this situation before).

Then I met my best friend Vic. We had a long discussion about life, love and relationship and I would agree with her about forgiving and forget. We all heard about 'Forgive But Not Forgotten'. That 'wise quote' actually shouldn't be used because it shape ourselves to set a little hatred and revenge.

So one night, I had my prayer and I made my doa to God that I forgive everyone who had hurt me and had damaged my emotion to love. Believe me, after that prayers, my heart became lighter and i stop thinking about some past of mine that is so painful. It seems to go away.

I even had a chat with my long online friend who had become close friend, Rizal, about my personality expressed through social networking. Most of feedback I received; How furious I am, how negative I was when I put my status message. I do realize that it made me such vulnerable person and somehow kept repeating over and over again. But I am glad that I am aware of it and felt that I want to change. At least i'm not in denial! LOL Well, in a way I'm glad to have some friends who are honest to help spot my weakness so I am more self conscious and will make myself improve to become a better person.

Life can be so simple if you make it simple. I hope I can achieve that from time to time. God willing :-)

Have a nice day to all and everyone. Peace be upon you.

Here's something beautiful from Alanis Morissette's 'Hand In My Pocket'

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab


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