Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Do I need to be invisible? or must I become one of those from ‘Planet Look-At-Me’?

It’s today’s trend to wear nice clothes, you need to look good and have at least gadget worth RM1k in your hand. In Kuala Lumpur, you got to be metro sexual to attract people, either for women or men. You need to sit in groups in a cafĂ© like Starbucks or Dome to get attention. You need to hold a cell phone and pretend you are important and busy and you really need to drive a good car, to get attention. You would probably buy an outfit that cost RM500 from ZARA or Esprit. Gosh, that is the minimum amount! They would, of course attracted to you because of money (materialism) but deep down inside, you are still ‘invisible’ because a lot people don’t really see the real you that is your heart, your mind and God knows if you’re a FAKE who probably rent rooms with 4-10 of your friends in a flat or a cheap apartment whose originally from Felda, Pahang or Pasir Mas, Kelantan. (It’s like Tennessee, U.S.).

Though not related to my post, this picture was taken way back in 1988 in Point Lonsdale Primary School, Geelong, Victoria, AUSTRALIA.
From left is Me (Muid), Abby (sitting on a stool, hello!) & my eldest sister, Aniq. Gosh, I realized my little sister Afiqah (not in the picture) look just like me.

You see, in my life, I was taught to look good, wear good clothes, because whenever I go out of the house, my dad would start lecturing me about wearing appropriate, decent clothes. I don’t know what it means to wear expensive clothes on my teen days and then I start realize today, at this very moment. I had changed. I wasn’t a brand freak any longer. I don’t need to buy Guess? Jeans, Calvin Klein’s T-Shirt and other expensive items. I just necessitate being normal, wise and smart. What I’m trying to state here is that you need to wear and look good, if not you will be mistreated and disrespected. But don't get me wrong, you don't need to look good if you wanna buy your grocery at 7-11 or in pasar malam (night market) right? ;-)

For example; the culture of typical Kelantanese or ‘mat rempit’ (native, naive annoying bike riders) who wears tight jeans, t-shirt and Converse shoes will draw bad impression and rejection from the society because ‘these’ people are well known for their bad manner and ‘gangster-ism’. Here’s what happen 2 weeks ago. I went to KLCC with my sister Abby. We went out for some sushi. So, when I was on the ground floor, I went to the ‘so-called-smoking area’ at the entrance of the KLCC PUTRA LRT station. When I was just about to light my cigarette, an old security guard chases me off (in a very rude way). Now, I see few other people also smoke there but they wasn’t got ‘chased’ except me. I was f*cking pissed off. I looked at myself and I just realized that I wear a tight Levi’s jeans, my tight t-shirt and Adidas shoe. It seems that I suddenly wear like one of ‘them’. It was right there at that moment; you can see ‘rejection’ of a person and shows the perception of a person towards people who dressed like those ‘mat rempit’. Thank God I didn’t wear any thick silver necklace. So the next week I went to the same place after my press interview with Utusan (local newspaper), and wearing a nice coat and 'black shine shoe', I smoke at the same place once more, and it was there, the same old rude security guard, with different impression, doesn’t seem so eager to chase me away for smoking at that particular area. It was a diverse feeling. And all that jazz!

Anyway, I met a friend who wears at expensive clothes and he always told me that ‘hey, it’s Tommy Hilfiger pants and Armani glasses’. I can feel like I’m walking with a person wears like the amount of my salary. He asked, ‘Hey, nice glasses, where you get it?”. I told him that I got it from Petaling Street (Malaysian China Town) for RM10 Ringgit (like USD$3 bucks) and he went completely insane. I just wanted to end our ‘fashion’ discussion so I went in a bookstore later (Kinokuniya) to shut him off to a magazine stand (where's there's fashion magazine).

So today, I don’t care much if people want to look at me or not, for the reason that I know when I needed to get attention and when I do not want to get attention. That’s all up to me and you.

Art is yours!

Well, time is passing by but none of you know what I am doing now right? I’m preparing few artworks including sketches, drawings and painting for ARTYOURS 2005/2006 Wondermilk/KLuE event upcoming June. I’m working closely with Shieko, perhaps my friend Orkibal wants to join, and mostly communicating a lot with Ifzan of TheClickProject.

Me in pajamas, in my room with few of my featured works. Comel tak?

I’m working on a freelance website development for my dear friend, Amir. Will tell you the details about my work, this will be my freestyle meet Asian style which you will all see and enjoy. It’s full interactivity. Gonna add few oriental look-n-feel into it. Yay!

My dance-clip had been recently updated with fx's;

Now, I’m gonna have a nice green tea and watch anime Cowboy Bebop again.

* Is it my last dance?

Sunday, April 24, 2005

To Be or Not To Be

My last issue I wrote is about commitment, and today I be looking for to talk about how to love ourselves (not ‘over’ ourselves please). You see, to love ourselves is the most fascinating fixation you can achievement in your life because it enable you to comprise the capability to trust your own self, to be self-conscious, to be confident (but not over confident), to respect your body, mind and soul, to control your determination and train to appreciate yourself. Learn how to congratulate ourselves is one of the best therapies, a process of becoming a motivated, positive person. But hey, nobody is perfect right?. But it doesn’t mean we should stop trying.

Don’t Fear, Risk it!
“Regain control of your emotions and conquer your Fear of Flying”

We often fear of things around us, we scared of try new things because to our belief it will affect our daily practice and our typical stereotype routine, for example, “Muid, you can never do that aero spin dude”. Such a low esteem but somehow a reverse psychology for a person, to gain new spirit or to shut down their confidence immediately! Now, to that action, it’s not that I cannot do it but it’s my mind that is controlling me, which makes me more fear than ever. However, think is what we must do before we can carry those actions. My result would be; “I need to go on physical training, to keep my body fit and balance, therefore learn the psychical movement and practice little by little. It might take time, patience is all I need and soon I believe and know I can do it”. So what’s the feeling? Once you finally achieve that practice and do it often, you feel good, and you will move on to the next level. That’s how people should move, not to stay but move on.

Back to Reality

This is the recent 'merisik' picture of me and my sister, Aniq.
Thanks to Amir, my dear friend for the lovely make-over.

This week, our family had been busy preparing few things for my eldest sister’s engagement. I hold my breath to see one of the beautiful occasions that happen last Thursday when she accept the engagement ring on Malik’s behalf. I couldn’t hold the moment but I let tears run deep into my heart to see my adorable lovely sister.

I will be appearing in local newspaper, particularly in Arts & Culture section where I will feature some of my oriental works. Thanks to Utusan for the interview session. Finally, I got my work publish in Malay language. I’m working on few ‘remaining’ ‘charity’ works that my regular freelance employer gave me. Working on resume-shooting session to few international firms, I just have to pray and keep my finger cross hoping to get a good job with good income. I’m trying to get part time over a dance school where I hope to coach dancers. Whatever happens, I hope as long I can save up some cash to continue my Masters in Canada or in United Kingdom.

I just updated a column in my blog layout where you kind visitors can download my Web Arts motion/demoreel (PC Only) and two (2) PDF documents; a collection of my digital Arts/Illustration work and my press kit release where you will be able to see some legal letters, acknowledgements and newspaper articles about my work or myself :)

* this is not my last dance

Monday, April 18, 2005

Journey of Life (Part II)

(contain explicit content)

It’s 7 a.m. and I took my cigarettes. The fresh morning breeze chills my body and could barely see the beautiful sunrise, that’s what’s left of it. Another Miles Davis tune on my mind. I walk around the empty street inside this army camp I’m living now, for almost 6 years. No real connection towards the neighborhood except the ‘hi & bye’. People in this community, didn’t care who was around, as if it’s a culture for the ‘apartment-people’. ‘They’ just seems to be so ‘quiet’ but most people didn’t know that ‘they’ put up small gathering, which I call ‘Persatuan Bini-bini Askar Kepoh’ (Busybody Army’s Housewives Club) and before you knew, gossips and bad rumors about this family or that family spread and create disrespect and betrayal of a so call ‘housewife friendship’, worst of all, they fucking enjoying it. Why can’t they see it’s actually murdering people? Well, what the hell, today Malay Muslim never wanted to know the truth about the rights and wrong, they just enjoy watching people fighting each other to satisfy them. Thank God my mother works, I guess that’s one of the reason my mum never join them. Gracious God, I’m off the track again am I?

I should light up another cigarette. *smoking*. Now I should go inside and have a nice scramble eggs and nice tea for breakfast. No more rushing to work. I can now have morning sit-ups and enjoy hot sunbathing and swimming this afternoon, despite that I have tons of freelance works to settle.

So it’s a relationship, again?
I took step by step on that tightrope road ahead and this time I thought of starting a new ‘relationship’, again. Hopeless romance, what is love? I killed love long ago because I don’t fucking believe in such things. I hate to say ‘I love you’ to a people without understanding inside how deep and true is love. People say it must be along with rapture? Nah… rapture is different. It’s not like butterfly in your stomach experience from what I know. I hate to believe in love because it hurt me a lot. I have to deal so many ‘devastation’ and have to go beyond ‘therapy’ with my friends and family. I’m not a person not fill with love, in fact, FYI, my mother gave me the best affection for me to appreciate and care about other people, the one we love. It’s just that I hate at times I'm not be able to control myself and it’s too much for me to handle. I feel that having a relationship will create a border between my career, my focus in family, and most of all to myself, because there are no more space and time to spend. So what is control? Where will I put my own freedom?
I guess this heart ain’t very smart?

So Hard? – Pet Shop Boys
"Everybody's got to live together, Just to find a little peace of mind there
If you give up your affairs forever, I will give up mine, But it's hard, So hard
I'm always hoping you'll be faithful, But you're not, I suppose,
We've both given up smoking 'cause it's fatal
So whose matches are those? Tell me why don't we try
Not to break our hearts and make it so hard for ourselves?"

You see, at 26, things don’t work, not just the way it is. In the Malay society, when you’re 26, you get freakin’ FAQ (Frequent Asked Question) about ‘when are you getting married, when are you going to settle down’. I always wanted to say right on their faces; ‘Bitch, none of your fucking business for you to know my future, now out of my face, move out of my life and start look after your fucking self and family instead’. At least that’s what I wanted to say so. But being in this very absolute ‘noble’ Malay culture, people can’t take honesty, especially harsh ones. The Malays can’t deal with direct opinion and comment. Seems to be so ‘Jawa’ (Javanese) that’s what my friend said. We must always give face and try to be as hypocrite as we can. I say that’s bullshit, but people also say you gotta stick in the game, and play it as if you’re acting it. That makes me a nice actor.

People who travel a lot will find new experience and their minds will be more open besides the opposite ones. So, the real question they should be asking was; “Will you be happy when you are married?” If a person do ask me that question, it will definitely caught my attention, and believe me, I would respect that person.
Why wouldn’t people think what will happen if we ever get married? Do we live happily ever after? Or do we have to go to court to settle our divorce case with our husband or wife who, the marriage only builds for 2-10 years? What’s the deal of getting married anyway? Do we married because we were forced, not based on our own love, our will and control? Do we always have to hear what they say?

Sometimes I wonder why, could this be just another fairy tale which I foresee not to believe? Dust and light seems to fade...

* not my last dance

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Lovely Raining Day

It's raining, you just came back from a nice swim. Then, you went to the local bank to settle some payments, debts that been creepin' your life. Yikes.. then you look at the sky and thank God you made your day well. So, what next? Since the last two (2) weeks I had officially 'broke' with RM10 ringgit left, today, that RM10 ringgit I use it to buy my 'lunch'. I went to Secret Recipe, one of my favorite cafe stop when I'm 'happy'. Because Secret Recipe has one of the best brownies, I decided to take that yummy delicious Ice Cream with Almond brownies with Vanilla Milk Shake, and since it was raining outside, a hot mushroom soup helps to heat up my body. Now, I'm in a cyber cafe at Sri Petaling with the best DSL connection, surfing and replying emails 'shaggingly'instantly. Lovin' it.

I have to go to two (2) local banks tonight and would probably hangout at Sri Hartamas with Abby or so, whatever eh.. sushi would be nice to have tonight and mum will be happy tomorrow as I will be giving her one (1) grand for helping me out last month.

What I have in mind this weekend and next week would be:
1. Waiting for my dad to come back from Washington DC, United States, hope he bring back something interesting :)
2. Buying iPod Shuffle, since my friend Bigg from Singapore keep on 'yaya-uhh-la' about his iPod :p
3. Buying a lomographic camera or a digital camera... finally!!
4. And suprise, suprise, my sister is getting married.

Thank God, I'm blessed. I love my life now, and I love my family, and friends who had been there for me.

* not my last dance.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Not My Last Dance

Many question that why I kept on putting footnote/signature 'Not My last dance'. It's kinda hard to tell or to describe, but today, you get few of that picture solve by watching my self home-made video using Vegas Video. This took 2 hours of dance movement in various choreography and outfit. The space was so limited but you know, if you're a true dancer, space is not a problem :)

I love dancing. I started to dance when I was 10 years old. Seing Paula Abdul and Janet Jackson in the late 80's makes me crazy about dance. Today, I admire choreographers like Marty Kudelka and Wade Robson. I always wanted to participate in Wade Robson's show. It's a dream :) I did a few public performance before where the one of the crowd was attended by Teh Tarik Crew, Lady D, Ahli Fiqir and others. I also got shortlisted of one of the top five for PlanetFilms Maxis Graffiti-dance commercial (well, eventually I didn't got it but I'm glad and proud to be shortlisted). It's a cool experience.


I would like to invite you to see my creation, my dance. Now you know I can dance too! :-) (not a big deal though). Oh, do have to remind you that you need Apple's Quicktime 6 Player in order to view this video clip.

+ Visit: {muidlatif's dance video clip}

Linkups are allowed. Let me know what you think. Thanks! :)

*not my last dance

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Artwork Updates

This week was the 'productive' week and I have finally finish compiling my selected Photoshop and Illustration work my PDF Portfolio. I remember that previous post I wrote, I mention I will not talk about my work, but then after I had revamp my personal portfolio website, the online journal that I use to publish in my personal website, no longer intend to put due to much 'controversial', to I would like to merge with this current blog. I would like to share my work with all you who have been visit my blog regularly. Anyway, hope you guys also know my work better, besides the 'brain fart' I use to write here.

PDF Portfolio:
Instruction: Right-click as Save As / Safe Target As.

Note: You need Acrobat Reader to view this document.

* not my last dance.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Back to Basis

Je suis terriblement desole pour ce qui se produisent ici. Mon attidude et expression dans ce blog, semble que j'ai ete des choses prevues a beaucoup. J'ai besoin de therapie. Qu'est dessus assorti a moi ?

I've been out of focus lately. In my previous post, it might sound like my life is such an 'emo'. In fact, I was just expressing what I had experience in my past life and I had done few analysis on things I can interpret for a good point of view to my visitors.

Quel est talent createur et vrai ?
Assuming that I think I am creative and talent, I now realized that what I am lack of is Faith & 'Be Cool' about things. I've been reading to much of self-motivation book to make me thing I am better and fine, but it was just a conjecure of being 'over' confident. Now I'm back to basic. So now where does my journy begin and end?
I'm a very emotional person and from this day on, I will try to vanquish that 'emotional' attitude and feeling away, to I will not hurt myself or hurt anyone.
Life is not perfect. And I disagree anyone being perfectionist. Not that I hate that person but it's basically the normal things we human think differently.

I would like to thank my highly appreciated inspirators, like Faizal Reza of, Raven (Corepixel) and Danny Goh for lifting up my spirits and motivation. Thousand appreciation.

No updates on my stuff?
DMP has been awfully disregarded... now, I'm working on XML & Flash intergration in order for easy updates for my portfolio. I'm working freelance for timebeing before I can really prepare myself to shoot out my resume to agencies. Portfolio must be quality I guess :)

+ visit {moedlatif} beta (50% complete). Trying to figure out why I can't make my XML news appear when the flash movie finish downloading. Have to refresh it twice in order to see the XML data load.

* Not my last dance.