Engagement of Mutuality Through Toleration

Drama, don't we all love drama in relationship? Everyone loves to show affection to one another during the short month relationship.

Then we start to show our true colors. There's arguments, question trust & doubts, why there's lack of attention, how it takes two to tango and etcetera. Because of these short-temper tantrum, we forget about being grateful and appreciate for the past things that both did to make relationship works. We expect things to much that we disvalue our ethics and our principe to believe in love without expectation, thus, everything falls apart and we start pointing fingers without blaming ourselves first.

I see all around me and most of them inspired me through their commitment. I myself cannot commit to such responsibility because I have a curse for it. The things I've done in the past, I have to admit it's been horrifying and each time I look back and evaluate, i felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being to obnoxious and paranoid, hence I am the one who actually broke my trust; to trust myself and let it flow the way it is, mainly because I am desperate to disallow myself to be confined with solitary. But I learn that I should scrap my habit of impressing a person to much about my ability and capability, because at the end of the day, when a person really like you, they will like you entirely for who you are, without you having to go and make yourself appeal and constantly crave for attention that you are a worthy person. Sometimes you are making yourself transparent and let others felt uncomfortable by your personality. It make you look dumb (yes I was talking about me too you know, haha).

But I like to change. I like to experiment myself, not in Lindsay Lohan way! If a person that i'm involved with can't change, I have to change. I have to find ways so that others will be inspired.

If not things wont work out, eventually it will end up in a horrible breakup. We don't want that do we? We don't want to be hated. We want to be loved and admired before and after. I learn that when we impressed a person that we like or when we started a relationship, it should be beautiful at the end.

But like I said, since most of us love drama, we love to brag or tell people that we've gone through hell. It's embarrassing the first thing when we fell in love, 'we cross ocean for you' and when we broke up 'let the shark consume your evil heart'. (I'm reminding myself as I've been through this situation before).

Then I met my best friend Vic. We had a long discussion about life, love and relationship and I would agree with her about forgiving and forget. We all heard about 'Forgive But Not Forgotten'. That 'wise quote' actually shouldn't be used because it shape ourselves to set a little hatred and revenge.

So one night, I had my prayer and I made my doa to God that I forgive everyone who had hurt me and had damaged my emotion to love. Believe me, after that prayers, my heart became lighter and i stop thinking about some past of mine that is so painful. It seems to go away.

I even had a chat with my long online friend who had become close friend, Rizal, about my personality expressed through social networking. Most of feedback I received; How furious I am, how negative I was when I put my status message. I do realize that it made me such vulnerable person and somehow kept repeating over and over again. But I am glad that I am aware of it and felt that I want to change. At least i'm not in denial! LOL Well, in a way I'm glad to have some friends who are honest to help spot my weakness so I am more self conscious and will make myself improve to become a better person.

Life can be so simple if you make it simple. I hope I can achieve that from time to time. God willing :-)

Have a nice day to all and everyone. Peace be upon you.

Here's something beautiful from Alanis Morissette's 'Hand In My Pocket'

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

And what it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

Watch: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x22q12_alanis-morissette-hand-in-my-pocket_music

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Sampah Masyarakat

I like to talk about my definition of 'sampah masyarakat' (a trash). I just witness two person close in life who are worthless, useless people, and may this post will give you an insight about human behavior and their ignorance.

Ecstasy, Viagra, Poppers is a huge 'drug' trend among Malaysian, especially clubbers who enjoy trance and rave music; particularly among gay/lesbian community and the entertainment industry. There's even more types of drugs I can list here, but let's just stick to the 'normal' ones.

I foresee that a person who have a career but yet uses substance for 'fun' which includes sex activities to be filthy and disgraceful. Sadly, more of those who took ecstasy came from a good family, or have proper education and profession. Well, some are jobless and became gigolo or male sex worker, male sex masseurs; just to earn a living. I thought it's pathetic. Seriously. No pride and dignity for selling your soul away just for the sake of substance or materialism. There's no value to your life for doing this.

There are so many side effects to this, and three important signs you can see in a person character; temper-tantrum (very bad temper), skeptical and physically, eyes turned yellowish. I witness this with my own eyes and I seriously loose my respect towards them. As the matter of fact, I never respect them because they are the one who choose to live a life so useless.

Shame on you! You are definitely deserved to be call a useless, worthless trash, or in Malay, 'sampah masyarakat'!

There's always a better solution when dealing a personal problem. That's why it's important to choose the right friends around who will provide continuous support & motivation for you. Faith is also the key of your belief to ensure you find your serenity & peace.

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How Do You Define Your Life?

Note: Press keyboard CTRL+[+] (plus) to enlarge font size or [Apple]+[+] plus button.

Each person is bound to look at things in different perspective and this pretty much depends on family background, education, culture, religion and other factors that contribute to who they are today. A person who choose to confine themselves with solitary and think that the world is unfair, is actually one of the reason why civilization stop to grow with positive minds due to the attitude of 'don't bother what's around me'. Pretty much sad to see such negative upbringing with low self esteem, inferior complex, being obnoxious and prejudice over many things.

In the past and presence, I met few individuals who inspire and some who pretty much confine to their own realm. Much as I want to believe they have gone through tough times in their lives dealing with their problems, I see that there was no social engagement and interaction to help them fit themselves and create a circle of positive community, at least among their friends.

As a result, they hurt a lot of people by being too upfront about their problem, when you compare with what's going on in the world today, I shall say this does not benefit anything. There are people out there each day die of cancer, die of poverty, die due to racism and prejudism. People out there are struggling trying to live a better life, to pray for a longer life, while some choose to take risk to shorten their life by doing unhealthy things (smoke, drugs, sex, etc)

I for once, have problems of my own, it was crucial compared to those who think the world is going to end, but what I'm truly grateful. Whenever I'm lost, I have friends to help hold my shoulders and said 'it's going to be okay'.

I had recently been discovered with tumor (which is curable, insyaAllah) in my body but I did not make a huge fuzz about it. I have to take a lot of medication daily in order to sustain myself. Each day, I opt to project a better person out of me by doing so many things, so many wonderful things. I became more productive ever since I discovered my health problem. But that doesn't mean I have to give up. Sedangkan Iblis tak berhenti (don't give up) untuk membinasakan dan menjatuhkan umat manusia. Think about that!

For example, if you just came from a horrible relationship, doesn't mean you have to punish yourself and reject the affection and love from people that surrounds you. That shows how ungrateful you are, and when you have that kind of attitude, that's how karma takes place. KARMA happens when you neglect or ignore others that care for you, and when one day you crave for attention, and when give attention to someone and they don't respond to it, this is where you should look back and define your contribution in the past. When you do bad things to people, you can NEVER achieve happiness in life. never.

Remember, the law of balance is so fair, you have no idea that you actually rejected people because they won't be able to satisfy you. That's when you become a failure in engaging relationship, after meeting one person to the other because in the first place, you treated those who cared for you POORLY and u give them no attention, not even concern. You don't bother because you're practically 'done' with them.

When you treat people without care, when you neglected people who believe in you, than you had actually contract yourself of loosing your soul. What is left is just lust and temporary 'happiness' that does not benefit your own self. In fact, what you're about to do is harm yourself and others. What happen when you're 35 years old and your friends start leaving you because you don't want to change your character, your attitude? I believe some don't, and some turn into cold heart. God have mercy on them.

Start Believing, Fight For It.


Self-acceptance is important in life, it helps to shape you to be a positive person with persona and passion to inspire people. When you remove that border, that territory of yours, you starts to experience more wonderful things in life, more than you can imagine! (From left, two important love of friendship, Amin & Ashvina.)

We have to 'Pay It Forward' and can't expect good things in life to come as rapid so we can satisfied ourselves. We must do positive things in life in order to reach happiness. We have to start to LISTEN to advices. We must listen to the voices of those who are concern about you. We must also care.

So for those who choose to confine themselves, think about what are you doing to affect others. They give so much light and vibe for you, to cheer you up. At least appreciate this very moment or you will eventually end up in solitary and become hopeless.

Don't waste your precious life over the things you can't fulfill. Nothing, nothing is perfect in this world, to begin with. Be strong, have faith, have belief, start caring, start being grateful and start to learn how to appreciate things that surround you. You actually have friends who cares for you, so never push them away, never.

If you can't be a good person for your self, at least do it for the sake of your love for person that you care the most. If you ran out of option, it's never wrong to love God, because God had been given us affections more than we can ever imagine.

Pray for the ones who's you've lost. Let their soul be happy in heaven. Don't let them despair where you start loosing control over yourself. Each day, I pray for the one I've lost. I miss the late Kak Yasmin Ahmad, and I never miss a prayer and al-Fatiha for her. I want her to know that I'm justifying my life better, and want to be a lovable person who continue to inspire others. That's how she made that impact towards my life. May you rest in peace.


If you can't understand my points in this entry, then WATCH THIS VIDEO. It's a must!

There's always up and down in life, we can eventually shape ourselves better if we want to start living our life the right way. You have no idea how joyful it may be when we open our hearts and take opportunities to bring better prosper in life.

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As I Look Into Your Eyes: The Sweetest Day

Interlude: There Is Love

Rumi draw our hearts with

"Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity.
The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.
Tomorrow, when resurrection comes,
The heart that is not in love will fail the test."

The first post (considered!) will talk about affection. Kasih sayang, as I mention in my twitter give an ultimate connection from heart to soul. It deepens with tender and beyond emotions. It's a bond.


How I felt:

When the sweet glance of my true love caught my eyes, Like alchemy, it transformed my copper-like soul. I searched for Him with a thousand hands, He stretched out His arms and clutched my feet
- Rumi

People: Wonderful Friends

I gave love to people, and like others who knows me personally, I share love to people equally thus I created many bonds with people. I believe in spiritual love, a love that was not force to be apply in form of substance and discriminative. It's about giving and sharing love despite gender and age. When you are able to give love, others will love you more. It creates a better communication and alliance. It's not just about being friendly anymore, it's about self-aware and constant appreciation for the people and environment that had been contributed for a better motivation in one person, in this story, for me.

Life, as it is, has been great. It's blessed to be imperfect. Being a perfectionist makes you anal, ignorant, arrogant and self-centered because I was once that very person, it made me become sophisticated which does not welcome warm in person that surrounded me but more of getting hypocrisy from them. But the more imperfect you become, the more humble and 'rendah hati' you will be, and it helps you a lot to shape yourself better.

Sometimes, it's good to make fool out of yourself, become a clown, loose control, let temper loose you and get respond from people. When they give you advices, bark at you, you then able to spot your weakness, and you will become conscious more than you could possibly imagine.

31 Years of Life

Recently I celebrated my birthday. A week before I was down, God what a show I had pulled. It seems everyone start to talk about it, how I break loose. But God is Al Mighty, The Wise. When we ask for signs in our prayers, it will eventually show. It's the great power from the Above. Alhamdulillah.

31 is just a number, but what matters is how I decide to change my pattern of behavior, my ethics and to give more contribution in anyway. I hope this year I can explore more positive side of me, do more good deeds, help people a lot, experience more mount climbing and nature walks, spend more time with family rather to anti-social. Time is precious and I like to use it as much as I can.



I would like to thank everyone who showed up at my very-unexpected-birthday-dinner. I already told them that I don't want them to pull any surprises. I guess their love and friendship overtake my solitary-attitude of spending all by myself. LOL

Who turned up for the birthday dinner: Abby, Syiqin, Melissa, Radzi Aziz, YD Leong, Prakash, Eliza, Adi, Farah and Iskandar Ibrahim.

And my big thanks to those who make their time to send wishes via sms, calls, facebook & twitter:

(According to time/post) Aniqah (Kak Yong, my eldest sister), Family members: Afiqah, who SMS me, sweet!), Amin, who practically waited til 12am to send sms greetings, very sweet of you!, Dilip, my new BFF (LOL), Toñi Yáñez (thanks for your constant love), Sandra Pijlman (thanks!), Azri (Ku_E), Fynaz & Gjie, Simon So, Suzanne Loh, Cicilia (Jogja), Dina Zaman (bless u, thanks!), Magnus Bob (thanks Magnus x0x0x), Vic Fuad, Arafath Ibrahim, Anwar (Congrats on your promotion bro. God bless u for a better life!), Vivian Toh!, Kharis (TSB), Amirul (Astro), Faheem! (besame mucho amigo!), Asha Harker, Judge, Rafai Rahman, Suzie B (thanks Sis), Navin (Suzie's friend), Angelia Ong, Ahmad Suhaimi, Mizie, Sofiyah (Malayrish), Nik Azwaa, Nurul Nadia LSD (love u too babe), Andy Widodo, Maria Chantelle Tucker (Orcagirl, thank you so very much. God bless), Saiful Nizam (Perintis), CLICK! Magazine Hornyih & Mr Ho, Nagendran (Nagen!), Fz Kamaruddin, Haryany Mohamad (Noni), Lyanna Johan, Sarini 'Mystique Maya' (thanks sweety, God bless u too)! & 2H (Hasnul Hadi & Hasnul Nadzrin), Ray Shanker (thanks for Lion King's videoclip), Ahmad Tarmizi (thanks for your wonderful sms), Afai, Pate Othman, Haslina Ghazali, Faiz Akhbar, Zetty J. Zetty, Viking Karwur, Iesta Johnny Tiptra (thanks man!), Mel, Elly Kamal (hugs back), Arez Ezman (tak jumpa fruit slushee!), Si Juan, Donna Dee, Salmi Omar, Faiz Firman, Jay Gasper, Fazed (Fine Arts, UiTM), Andrew C.H Hsien, June Moh, Sharifah Razlin Jamalullail, Raja Norashikin (Oya), Halimi Saidi (thanks to both of u dear darlings!), Sam Kassim (thanks Chumoks!), Ashvina Marie, Jason Lamar Wright, Belanda (Azizul Achasial), Azalia Suhaimi, Melor Hidayah, Khairil Mokhzani, Julien Grandclement (ODBO), Ralph Abdullah, Faizal Heesyam (Pai), Amir Luqman (bless ur heart, thanks dear!), Amir Muhammad, Kiru Arul (from MalaysianToday), Ahmad Yusri (Photographer), Khairina Kamaruddin, Dayana Zaman, Christelle Decle, Chunwoei (Urbancr3atures), Mo Hafiz, Michelle Lee, Fatin Nadia (thank you so much!), Matthias Gelber (thanks for dropping by Matt, if free, i can join ur group for another green day), Ashwin Ash, Kamal Kemlima (thanks sweety!), Hazlynda Kushairi, Ellie Tetriati, Laz Shamsudin (thanks man), Marcus Mclernon (gr8 to hear from u), Rizwan Nordin (Seth Cohen), Sandeep Joseph (Thanks Sandeep, dhanyavad!)

Special Thanks to:

Iskandar Ibrahim (who moved me with his twitter: 'The story unfolds after 7 yrs. It is an honor to know you and especially being my friend @moedlatif Happy birthday brother. God bless.'), thank you so much. You've been a great listener and a good friend ^_^

To Ida Nerina, God bless you and I will never forget how great you had inspire me. I wish u a great speedy recovery. x0x0x

Joshua Davis. Thanks for your wonderful visit and wishes, coming from you means a lot. God bless u and ur loving family.

Bibi K Poh. Your love and tremendous support had been a great pillar of friendship. Thank you for sharing your beautiful inner thoughts that constantly inspire me



Work: Digital Malaya & Digital Nusantara



I manage to team up with wonderful people, from my sister to close friends. That's how Digital Nusantara was born. It wasn't a company that I wanted to form. It was relationship that I learn to understand even more, responsibilities and objective to achieve. I always nag about not having much resources, and as growing older, you intend to forget things, and sometimes you miss tracking of time and things around you, so that's why I have the best Personal Assistant. You know who you are and hopefully you may help me better and become a greater friend.

I had put others aside, like Digital Malaya Project (DMP). It has been so passive but frankly, it's forever in my that I cannot just simply give up on. There's always incoming opportunities and offers, and it's been such a bless that people believe in us, and keep supporting us. As I sit back, I just realize this thesis I had created had become a portal, then turn e-zine then turn into a collective. 2010 marks our 10th Anniversary. It's been so long. I'm overwhelmed by the contributors. I wish I was rich so I can pay them in form of cash, but they, my members had been so compromising and understanding.

So to Abby Latif, Mohammad Yazid, Prakash Daniel, Fariz Hanapiah, Soh Ee Venn, Sue Anna Joe, Nadirah Zakaria, Haslina Ghazali, Thank you! And to Arafath Ibrahim, Adi Arfan and Faiz Akhbar, welcome to the family. We hope with this platform, we are able to give you more opportunities, more exposure and wings to fly to a better platform to spearhead your personal brand.

I discovered a lot of talented new emerging designers and artists, so do follow digitalmalaya's twitter at http://www.twitter.com/digitalmalaya


Thank you for reading my long-ass post, well it's been 2-3 times a year, duh!

Salam and peace be upon you.

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Still dancing the night away. only more structured and with grace.