Poetry: What is natural affection?

I haven't been doing poetry for very long time. I thought I want to share with you my 'freestyle' poem that I wrote an hour ago. If you watch the movie 'Little Black Book' starring Brittiny Murphy or Anything Else, by Jason Briggs, I believe the story of mine goes something like that. So here goes:

There I watch those starry stars in the sky,
With hope of heaven to shine upon me,
To shine my love and my soul,
Why must I need love?

Long ago I’m afraid to love, I once loved,
I was born to give but never to take,
Like a butterfly trapped in a golden cage,
Set to be free, by someone who wants me to be free

All night I look upon the hill of sorrow,
Looking at the ray of light becomes dim and emotionally blurry,
If I do somehow found the love I had longed for,
Why the one I love have to keep on holding back?

Is there such natural affection in us?
Will love ever be harmful to my broken heart?
Why it’s a shame to admit the defeat of security in us?
What are you waiting and searching for?
Why does someone so close have to be so vulnerable?

What I want is to care and give my enduring love,
I want to build a moment to worship our understanding,
But somehow forever drift from this reality,
Because we weren’t bound to make it happen.

Though one day I will recreate and realign my love,
But until then, I understand I will never satisfy anyone,
Because all the things I thought there’s possibility,
Will be a space of time that I need to wait, and wait, and wait.

If I love you, I will love you dearly with all the love I have,
What do I do to keep you coming back to me?
What do I do to wait but let my heart in pain and grief?
I then only know that to waste your time and dreams.

_
I can’t give everything you want except to share to fulfilling joy I have, what I can gain from my life will be as easy as a normal human can be, without having to counterfeit my affection. I'm afraid because I see dark path along the way, my heart tell me to stay, but my mind giving the possibility to accept the true nature in relationship. I got nothing to chase. And I know I got nothing more to give in terms of materialsm and the defination of hi-lifestyle. Again, I'm being obnoxious, paradoid and naive, because I don't want to be hurt over and over again, but then, I will always think of you and that I will love you forevermore, very dear as always. I'm sorry, I can't accept ambigious affection, I don't want to wait, I want dreams to come true. So I guess I will continue to spoil myself and be untamed, because I want to loose my faith in affection. I felt so down, and I got nothing.

I never felt so alive loving this way before, but my love is in your hands. I will make it worth if you want me to. I change myself if you want me too, but please don't tear my heart, not again. I beg u. I want you to know that I love you so much. Looking at your eyes gives me the butterflies, i never felt like this since my last break off, but I'm afraid to fail you.


_
if you want me want to dance, how can I do it if it's water that I'm standing on...